ADULT SMS

DIRTY

• A loving husband tattooed I LOVE U on his dick n showed it to his wife. She replied: "This is ur old habit of Putting Words Into My Mouth...!"


• What's the geographical definition of sex?It's an action done by Pol-land into Hol-land between Thai-land, occasionally with a little help from Greece!


• Bunny seriously objected to the nomenclature of VAGINA.His objection: Iko cheez ta vajaan wali hai, teh ohnu kehande ne VAJAI NA !


• A woman who arouses a man and leaves is called a Cockteaser. What is a man who does the same called?A Moisturiser.


• Our love will never become cold and hollow unless, one day, you refuse to swallow.


• What is pure Hindi name of Condom??Rubber ki Chiknai yukt Prajanan virodhak mardana Ling ki topi.


• Blonde: I think my tits are full of water.Doctor: How do u figure that?Blonde: Everytime a guy squeezes them my pussy gets wet


• A man was fucking a nurse. She shouts: Aah it's painful.Man: Kamini, daily u r injecting me where I don’t hv hole, I'm putting it in ur hole & u say it hurts


• Latest product in the market: George Bush condoms ideal for fuckers who dont know when to pull out


• Q: Who's senior: Penis or Vagina?A: Vagina, because penis always stands up in its honour..

NAUGHTY

• Sex is evilEvil is sin Sin is forgivenSo let's begin.

• Boy: How much Calcium is there in women's BREAST?Gril: Enough to help a Man's boneless thing stand up.

• Why did Shahid and Kareena break up?Because she wanted to have Saif Sex !

• Why is sex similar to shaving?Well, because no matter how well u do it today, tomorrow u hav to do it again

• First Doc: I had sex with my patient. I'm feeling guiltySecond Doc: It happens in our profession. Take it easy yaar.First Doc: Yeah, but I'm a Veterinary doctor.

• Give an example of Complete business failure due to negligence.A pregnant prostitute.

• A old woman calls the Police department and says: I have a Sex Maniac in my apartment. Pick him up in the morning!

• 25 Uuseless things in a Man's body: 20 Nails you can't Hammer, 2 Tits you can't Milk, 1 Cock that doesn't Crow, and 2 Balls you can't Throw !!

• A man is a king. A king is a ruler. A ruler is 12 inches.Are you a man?"

• Boy to girl in a party: Kitne bhai behen ho!Girl: SixBoy: Maa Baap ko aur koi kaam nahi tha kya?Girl: Tum kitne ho?Boy: OneGirl: Baap me dam nahi tha kya?

• Monica Lewinsky turned 31. How time flies! It seems like yesteraday when she was crawling around the White House on her hands n knees puttin everything in her mouth!


• What is similarity between sex n shave?If u don't do it for 4-5 days, it starts showing on d face.


• What's the height of bad luck?Having sex in dreams and getting AIDS in real life...!


• What's the similarity between women & folding chair?Both are useless unless until u don't open their legs.


• Stock broker catches wife in bed with other man: What's going on?Wife: Due to boom in market & ur less investment capacity, honey I've gone for PUBLIC ISSUE!


• Jack: It's just too hot to wear clothes today, but what would the neighbors think if I mowed the lawn naked?Wife: That I married u for ur money.


• 90 sal ke Buddhe Ne Viagra kharidi aur medical wale se puchha 'Kaise Leni hai?'Dukandar ne upar se niche tak dekha aur kaha: Tulsi Aur Gangajal ke Sath Lo.


• During war, enemy soldier sees 3 nuns. He says I want revenge & remoevd his pants. Young nun requested Plz spare older Nun.Older nun: Shut up u Bitch, War is War.


• The saddest part of a Man's body is his Balls. The Lord Almighty sentenced them to : Hang Till Death !


• Teacher: What do u know about Sensex?Pappu When we have sex with Riya Sen, Raima Sen, Rimi Sen, Konkana Sen & Sushmita Sen etc. it's called Sen SeX

SHAYARI

• Badi hasrat thi ki kholein unki salwaar ka nara,Sanam ki berukhi dekho ki nangey hi chale aye, Wah wah wah

• Kashti toofan se nikal sakti hai,Taqdeer kisi bhi waqt bhi badal sakti hai,Hausla rakh, channel na badal,SANIA MIRZA kisi bhi waqt Jhuk sakti hai

• Ansoo tere nikale to aankhein meri ho,Dil tera dhadke to dhadkan meri ho,Khuda kare ki apni dosti itni gehari ho,Baap tu bane to Mehanat meri ho!

• Kya aap SEX karte hai,Kya aap CONDOM use karte hain,Kya aap AIDS se darte hai,To aap HATH se Q nahi karte hai,HATH chale to AIDS tale.

• Door gaon mein ek basti thi,Wahan ki ladkiyan bahut sasti thi,Unki ga#d mein itni masti thi,Jitna dalo utna hasti thi.,But why r u smiling?

• Mangta hoon to deti nahin ho: JAWAB MERI BAAT KADeti ho to khada ho jata hai: ROM-ROM JAZBAAT KAKyon bolti ho ke dheere se daalo: BALON MAIN PHOOL GULAB KA.

• Arz kiya hai:I am a dog and u r a flower,gaur farmaiega I am a dog and u r a flower,so let me lift my leg n give u a shower!

• Paro aur chandramuki ka noor app pe barse, har koi aapke sath sone ko tarse,aapke jeevan me aaye itni ladkiyan,ki app CHADDI pahen ne ko tarse.

MARITAL WOES

• A man was charged with Necrophilia (having sex with a dead woman). The judge said; I havn’t seen such disgusting case in 20 years. Can you give me one good reason why you did it?Man: I can give 3 reasons.It’ non of ur business, she was my wife and I didn’t know she was dead as she always acted like that.

• Pappu meets his father in red light area. Pappu: Papa aap yahan?Father: Bus beta ab 200-300 Rs ki cheez k liye teri maa k nakhre nahi sahe jate.

• Wives are funny creatures. They don't have sex with their husbands for weeks and then they want to kill the woman who does.

• Man: Sex ho jaye?Wife: No.Man: Jewar le dunga.Wife: No.Man: Car le dunga.Wife: No, No, No.Beta so raha tha, bich me bola, Meri marlo, Cycle la dena.

• Letter to mom by her daughter a month after her marriage: Fine here mom, but one problem... my husband keeps on fucking me all the time... while bathing, cooking, dish washing even while washing, Ironing clothes! I'm fucked up mom... Any idea to control his urges? Sorry for the SHAKY HANDWRITING.

• What is a man's definition of foreplay?Half an hour of serious begging!

• Every married man keeps wondering every evening: Should I go out and look at what I cannot fuck or....Stay home and fuck what I cannot look at....

• A man stands nude in front of a mirror n examines himself: I wish 2 inches more & I'll b a king.Wife sitting behind: I think 2 inches less & u’ll b a queen.

• Wife bought a new transparent Bra, wore in front of her hubby.Hubby: Issme tum bahut sexy lag rahi ho.Wife: Pata hai ! Salesman bhi yehi keh raha tha.

• Q: Why do most women sleep in the afternoon ?A: So that they can screw the tired man all night and blame him for poor performance!!

FLIRT

• Of all the babes u r my selection. Please don't giv me a rejection. My teeth are clean for ur inspection so give my mouth a tongue injection!

• I have spent many sleepless nights in ur luv & I don't want to my son to do the same for ur daughter. So, lets make them brother n sister

• Do you like maths?If so add a bed, subtract ur clothes, divide your legs and we can multiply!

• Sex is gud sex is fine, doggy style or 69,just for fun or getting paid everyone luvs getting laid,So if u want me in the sack, lick ur lips n text me back

• A smile to put you on a high... A kiss to set your soul all right... Would it be all right if I spent tonight being loved by you???

• Roses are red, violets are blue,Shorter the skirt better the view.

• Sex is fun. sex is fine,Doggy style or 69,Just 4 fun or getting paid,Everyone loves getting laid,So if u want me in the sack,Just lick ur lips & text me back.

• God created the world in SIX days, but took him centuries to come up with someone...as HOT...as SEXY... as Fuckable...as YOU!

• You are cute, you are adorable, sexy, n great,Now I broke the ice, would you like to mate?

• Sex is good, sex is fine. Doggy style or 69. Just 4 fun or getting paid, everyone loves getting laid. So if u want me in the sack, lick ur lips n text me back.