God of Big Matters
Santa: Ah! It is the month of Diwali. Oh! What a bash I am going to have! Hurrah!

Webmaster: Calm down Santaji, Diwali is still some days away and we better devote ourselves to what's current.

Santa: I am going to send 'current' into you and blow you up on Dusshera, you demon, the green-eyed monster!

Webmaster: Oh! Oh! Why this loss of temper early in the morning. Santaji, the God of Big Matters, why do you take offence at such trivial things?

Santa: Is it another bestseller from Arunadhati Roy?

Webmaster: Why Arunadhati or any-other-Roy, you are always a bestseller. Selling best, soaring charts and topping the record books.

Santa: Enough. Enough of this flattery. Let us talk sense.

Webmaster: Actually Santaji, as you are always in know of everything, I want to know what this Ludhiana City Centre talk is about.

Santa: You will never understand the nitty gritty of it, suffice to say that it is all about the ministers having a butter chicken, while the public is made to settle for Moong ki Dal.

Webmaster: But Sir, even Moong ki Daal is getting out of the reach of people. What will people eat in future?

Santa: Dust with dollops of cricket! Add to that some chutney of Bollywood and a recipe for the masses is ready.

Webmaster: Yes, with Bollywood and cricket around our people need nothing else.

Santa: Look at the way the nation comes to a grinding halt whenever India is vying with its own incompetence, for the lowly third position, in any of the ABC Triangular series matches.

Webmaster: We fare no better elsewhere. In hockey, we had to settle for the wooden spoon.

Santa: The Indian Hockey Federation, however, is doing one great job. It keeps the 'Top Cop' leashed so that he doesn't move about spanking bums.

Webmaster: Agreed even that is a favour but quite an expensive one.

Santa: No favour is expensive. You get expertise at a price. It is only me who lent his name free of cost to you.

Webmaster: What about the hundred things I have to listen from you everyday @#%$#*. You can't say you are giving your services free of cost.

Santa: You don't have a choice here buddy. There is none who is wittier than me, there is none who is more knowledgeable than me, there is none who is more dynamic than me, there is none who is…

Webmaster: More boastful than you…

Santa: Shut up. There is none more idiotic than you.

Webmaster: You are hell bent upon kicking your bread and butter.

Santa: Not till your kind self is gracious enough. Long live Santa.

Webmaster: Jai Hind.

BIG B -REKHA

Big B- Rekha together again?
It seems like a rare possibility but according to the latest buzz in Bolyywood Big B and Rekha might come together again after a gap of 26 years.Though its not confirmed yet whether they will have any scenes together, but reports say that Bachchan and Rekha will again come together in Sujoy Ghosh 's Aladdin. The film will also star Sanjay Dutt , Ritesh Deshmukh and Juhi Chawla.Big B will play the role of a genie and Ritesh will be playing Aladdin. Rekha will have an equally important role in the movie.The shooting of the film will start from next month. The last time Bachchan and Rekha were seen on screen was in Yash Chopra's Silsila, in 1981.

Pamela

Pamela cut a Fake Cake during her Wedding
Pamela Anderson’s one and a half hour wedding to her friend of fifteen years Rick Salomon Saturday, October 6, was arranged in such a hurry, that she wore a white denim miniskirt and the wedding cake was made of cardboard.The wedding in a private villa at Las Vegas' Mirage Hotel and Casino took place in between two performances of Hans Klok's magic show, where she is the assistant, reports E! Online.The wedding planners were only given a day’s notice and the best they could come up with in that time was a four-tier cardboard cake!A source told US TV channel E!: "Pamela and Rick had a fake four-tier wedding cake. It was made from cardboard because planners weren't able to find a real one in time. They were apparently only given a day to prepare."The hotel's Stack restaurant provided the 60 guests - including Tobey Maguire, magician Hanks Klok, Pamela's sons, Brandon, 11, and nine-year-old Dylan, and Rick's daughters, Hunter, 11, and Tyson, nine - with pigs in blankets, macaroni cheese, tuna and lobster tacos and 10 bottles of Cristal champagne.As soon as the wedding was completed Pamela dashed back for her second appearance of the night and shared the news with the audience."Hello, I just got married - I did. I'm distracted. It's a big day. A big day at the office."Guests continued partying late into the night at the Mirage hotel's Jet nightclub.The marriage happens to be the third for both of them, with the mum of two’s earlier marriages include Tommy Lee and Kid Rock, while Salomon was married to actresses Shannen Doherty and Elizabeth Daily.

"Katrina:No valentine with Sallu"
Bollywood actor Katrina Kaif, who gave a string of hits last year but couldn't manage to earn a single nomination in the best actress category in any of the major awards, says she is unfazed as long as her fans are happy with her work.How unfair can life be? I wasn't even nominated for the best actress category,' quipped Katrina and added: 'however, in the STAR Gold's Idea Sabsey Favourite Kaun 2008 awards, my fans voted me their Sabsey Favourite Heroine.''If my audience and fans appreciate my work and are with me, what else I can ask for?' said the actress, who was in the capital on Friday to launch Mayar Group's a+ MediSpa, a medical spa.She forayed in filmdom with 'Boom' and after about a dozen flops, the ice maiden struck gold with four blockbusters - 'Namastey London', 'Apne', 'Partner' and 'Welcome'.Currently busy shooting for 'Race', 'Main Yuvraj' and Siddharth Anand's yet-to-be titled film, how does the busy bee unwind herself?'Take off the costume and make-up as soon as the shoot is over! And get a spa treatment. It is extremely relaxing. Unfortunately, the kind of lifestyle and schedule we have, we hardly get time,' says the actress.'Not only actors, but I have seen a lot of directors and journalists with skin problems and believe me, all that can be cured by a spa treatment,' she claimed. The actress also said very few people know the difference between being fit and healthy.'It is not only important to be fit and look good; one must feel good from inside and that can happen only if you are healthy.For instance, our cooks put a lot of oil in our food, which increases the cholesterol level and is bad for health. How many of us are aware of it and take care,' the actress says.'Hence, in an industry where we use a lot of make-up and a fast moving world it is extremely important to take care of the skin and health. Do pamper yourself,' stressed Katrina.Commenting on her Valentines Day plans she said: 'I would be in Las Vegas on V-Day. I am going there to attend an Indian cultural festival.'

Britney's Homemade Sex Tapes Robbed
The burglars who raided Britney's Beverly Hills home Friday night went for Britney's collection of raunchy homemade sex tapes and a selection of the singer's steamiest photographs rather than cash and jewelry.Also missing are some of the uniforms Britney allegedly wears for kinky sex games and personal pictures of her sons, two-year-old Sean Preston, and one-year-old Jayden James, were also taken."Some people might have gone first for the cash and jewelry, but these guys went first for all Britney's personal stuff," an insider told the Daily Star."They seemed to know in the long run this will be worth far more to them, if they can sell it to the highest bidder."Britney is beside herself with worry - having your home broken into is bad enough for anybody, but when you're famous and you have had some pretty personal things taken, it's 10 times worse,' the source said.The 25-year-old star discovered that her $6 million gated property had been burgled when she returned home from a night out at the five-star Peninsula Beverly Hills hotel at around 2am early Saturday morning.However, this is not the first time the 'Toxic' star has been hit by a sex tape scandal.Last week, a 26-year-old man claimed that he had recorded the singer having sex in Hawaii.In 2006, a clip showing the 25-year-old performing a sex act on ex-husband Kevin Federline appeared.

AISH

Now that she has schools named after her, we hear Ash is getting all prudish and refusing to do anything steamy on screen. Has she forgotten the Dhoom 2 microminis?

HOLLYWOOD

Marion best actress, 'No Country' leads Oscars

France's Marion Cotillard was crowned best actress at the 80th Academy Awards
here Sunday as violent thriller "No Country for Old Men" bagged two early
Oscars.Cotillard, 32, won for her astounding performance as tragic chanteuse
Edith Piaf in "La Vie En Rose," becoming the first Frenchwoman to win the best
actress Oscar since Simone Signoret in 1960.It was the only second time in
Oscars history that the best actress award had gone to a performance in a
non-English speaking role. Italian legend Sophia Loren was the other woman to
achieve the feat in 1962.Cotillard, who received the award from 2007 best actor
Forest Whitaker, paid tribute to her director before exclaiming: "Thank you
life, thank you love. It is true that there are some angels in this city. Thank
you so, so much."In other early honors, pre-Oscars favorite "No Country for Old
Men" took an early lead in the overall awards stakes by winning two statuettes
in the best supporting actor and adapted screenplay categories.Javier Bardem
became the first performer from Spain ever to win an acting Oscar for his
portrayal of a psychopathic hitman in the film."This is pretty amazing, it's a
great honor for me to have this," Bardem told guests in his acceptance
speech."Thank you to the Coens for being crazy enough to think that I could do
that and put one of the most horrible haircuts in history on my head," he added,
referring to the bizarre coiffure given to his character in the film.The film's
directors -- Joel and Ethan Coen -- later won the best adapted screenplay Oscar
for "No Country for Old Men."Britain's Tilda Swinton was crowned best supporting
actress for her performance as a scheming corporate legal chief in the drama
"Michael Clayton.""Oh, no. Happy birthday, man," Swinton said, clutching her
Oscar statuette. "I have an American agent who is the spitting image of this.
Really truly the same shape head and, it has to be said, the buttocks."In other
early awards, Disney-Pixar's "Ratatouille", about a Parisian rat who attempts to
become a master-chef, won the best animated feature Oscar.Earlier, dark clouds
and rain failed to put a dampener on the movie industry's biggest party of the
year as stars lit up the red carpet.Streets around the venue were cordoned off
as authorities draped a security blanket over the neighborhood where guests
arrived on a red carpet that has been shielded by a waterproof canopy.The Oscars
are expected to be carved up between several violent movies, with the
eight-times nominated "No Country for Old Men" heading the field and its
directors, the Coen brothers, eyeing a place in history.Oscar host Jon Stewart
quipped about the crop of "Oscar-nominated psychopathic killer movies" in his
opening monologue."Does this town need a hug? What happened? 'No Country For Old
Men?' 'Sweeney Todd?' 'There Will Be Blood?' All I can say is, thank God for
teen pregnancy. I think the country agrees," Stewart said in a nod to best
picture nominee "Juno."The Coens could set a new record if they sweep all four
categories they have been personally nominated in -- best picture as producers,
director, adapted screenplay and editing.It would be the first time ever that
anyone has won four Academy Awards for the same film in one year, although Walt
Disney scooped four Oscars for different projects in 1953.On paper, "No Country
for Old Men's" biggest rival is the eight-time nominated oil industry epic
"There Will Be Blood," which is joined in the best picture category by legal
thriller "Michael Clayton," historical drama "Atonement" and comedy
"Juno."Beyond the contests for best picture and best director clear
front-runners have emerged in most of the acting categories.Daniel Day-Lewis is
regarded as a shoo-in to win the second best actor statuette of his career for
playing an oil baron in "There Will Be Blood," ahead of George Clooney ("Michael
Clayton") and Tommy Lee Jones for "In the Valley of Elah."This year's Oscars are
taking place after months of uncertainty following the Hollywood screenwriters
strike that wreaked havoc with the entertainment industry's awards season.The
Golden Globes were canceled after stars vowed to boycott the event in support of
striking writers and fears of a similar no-show had plagued the Oscars until the
strike was called off earlier this month.

Bollywood stars usually discover on-screen morals late in life. Back in their early days, hunting for a break, our actresses shed their clothes -- and inhibitions -- gladly, but cinema lasts forever, and here's a look at some heroines who now declare they want to behave themselves on screen: Ayesha Takia

She walked out of a Nagesh Kukunoor film simply because she didn't want to kiss on screen, but what about the time the buxom babe shared a liplock with Vatsal Seth in Tarzan?
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JOLIE & ANISTON

Jolie and Aniston can't see eye to eye
Superstar Angelina Jolie avoided running into partner Brad Pitt's ex-wife Jennifer Aniston at the pre Oscar party by deciding to attend another event instead.While Aniston went to the Beverly Hills Hotel to benefit the Motion Picture Television Fund, Jolie and Pitt attended the Independent Spirit awards, pagesix.com reports. Others celebrities attending pre Oscar party included George Clooney, Seal with Heidi Klum and Jake Gyllenhaal. Aniston left after an hour and went back to her private bungalow at the hotel. Pitt and Aniston were married before they split in 2005. Pitt is now involved with Jolie and they have children together.

Gracy Singh

Deepika Panukone

HOT STUFF

Darsheel is Best Actor of year

He brought tears to the eyes of many cinegoers and filmmakers with his moving portrayal of a dyslexic child in 'Taare Zameen Par' who has to undergo the turmoil of loss of his carefree childhood under constant clamour of parents and teachers for good academic grades.Darsheel Safary, the eight-year old who played the role of the dyslexic child in 'Taare Zameen Par', has been nominated in the Best Actor category at the 53rd Filmfare awards, a first in the history of Indian cinema.Darsheel will be vying for the Best Actor's trophy at the Filmfare awards, considered the Indian counterpart of the Oscars, along with superstars like Shahrukh Khan (nominated for ‘Chak De India’ and ‘Om Shanti Om’), Akshay Kumar (‘Namastay London’) and teenage heartthrobs like Abhishek Bachchan (‘Guru’) and Shahid Kapoor (‘Jab We met’).The Filmfare nomination for the Best Actor for the eight-year-old comes close on heels of his bagging the jury award for the Best Actor at the recently held Star Screen awards where he also won the Best Child Actor award.Ever since the film’s worldwide release on December 21, those in film circles have hailed Darsheel as the ‘Best Performer’ of the year and had been suggesting that he deserved to be nominated in the Best Actor category and not just in the Best Child Actor category in the various film awards.Film analysts and experts have been full of praises for the acting prowess of Darsheel, whose performance in the film has endeared him to children and adults alike across the country.It was perhaps keeping in view the overwhelming impact that Darsheel’s 'natural' portrayal in the film has created among cinegoers across the country that the jury of the recently-concluded Screen awards, led by actor-turned MP Shatrughan Sinha, selected him for the Special jury award for Best Actor.Filmmaker Ravi Chopra, a member of the awards jury, too was effusive in his praise for the child actor. ''According to me, Darsheel is the Best Actor of the year. We gave him the jury award for Best Actor because we felt he was the best performer of the year. infact, the work this child has done at such a small age is really commendable,'' Chopra said.The success of 'Taare Zameen Par' was in large part attributable to Darsheel's moving performance in the film, Chopra added.''I feel that in 'Taare Zameen Par', Darsheel's has been the most fantastic peformance. So much so that I would attribute the success of the film in large part to Darsheel's work in the film which tugged at many a heart strings among cinegoers,'' the filmmaker said.Trade analysts also feel that the performance given by Darsheel is one of the the best by a child actor in the recent past.''Darsheel Safary has delivered an award winning performance in 'Taare Zameen Par'. As the eight-year-old Ishaan Awasthi, he is extremely effective and natural in his portrayal of the mental trauma being undergone by the child so much so that he has the viewer's heart bleed for the small child, '' film analyst Komal Nahata said.Darsheel's portrayal in the is sure to win him every single award for the child actor in the country, including the prestigious National Award, Nahata said, adding that full justice to the child's genius would be done only of he was nominated in the Best Actor category and not in the Best child Actor category.''Darsheel Safary is capable of fighting it out with Shahrukh, Aamir and Akshay Kumar. He could just end up giving them a really tough fight. One never knows, he could also walk away with the award,'' Nahata said.'Taare Zameen Par' has also won the Best film nomination, the Best actor nomination for Aamir Khan, the Best Supporting actor (Male) for Aami Khan, the Best Supporting actress nomination for actor Tisca Chopra and Best Lyrics nomination for Prasoon Jodhi for his lyrics for the song ‘Maa..’ in the film.

Jennifer Lopez gives birth to twins
Jennifer Lopez gave birth to twins - a boy and a girl - on Friday morning after one of pop music's most closely-watched pregnancies.The boy and girl, delivered in a Long Island, New York, hospital, were the first for the 38-year-old actress and singer, whose efforts to become pregnant have filled tabloid pages in the past few years.Anthony, a 39-year-old salsa singer, has a daughter and two sons from two previous relationships.Lopez did not confirm her much-rumoured pregnancy until early November, when she announced the news to a Miami audience while on a concert tour with her husband.The babies were born at 12.45am local time (5.45am UK time) on Long Island, New York State. Lopez, 39, and husband Marc Anthony, 38, married in 2004. The twins are her first children, and his third and fourth.Lopez's publicist Simon Fields said: "Jennifer and Marc are delighted, thrilled and over the moon."Her father, David Lopez, told a TV station earlier this month that she was expecting twins.

Koena

We never appointed any Koena Mitra our brand ambassador
Jharkhand Chief Minister Madhu Koda Friday denied his government's move to appoint Bollywood actress Koena Mitra as the state's brand ambassador.Koda, who was in the capital Friday to discuss the state's annual plan outlay with Planning Commission officials, refuted media reports that Koena Mitra was appointed as the brand ambassador of Jharkhand.'There was never any such move on the part our government. We never appointed any Bollywood actress called Koena Mitra as the state's brand ambassador,' Koda told the media after the meeting.Referring to his photograph along with Koena published in a section of media, Koda said this did not mean the state government appointed her its brand ambassador.'It was a just a photograph, which does not amount to appointing any heroine as Jharkhand's brand ambassador. It was a figment of media speculation,' Koda said.